Today as I come to visit I began to read the pain and sorrow of losing you . I wish like others I HAD JUST ONE MORE DAY WITH YOU !!! I miss you so much Granny and think about you all the time ,wishing I could call and say I love you . There is so much I would love to share with you about Lindsey I know what a kick you got out of the stories I would tell you , I loved hearing you laugh and say well . I miss coming to your house and hearing you tell me stories about your life way back when you were a kid and how you would sneak your children into the racetrack and how much candybars were . I loved the stories and watching you read your bible and singing songs or just listening to the words with your eyes closed because you were not asleep.(hahaha) I miss you Granny and all the good times and memories you have made with me will always remain with me . Some make me laugh while others make me cry . But no matter what it makes me do I will cherish each and every single one of them . I am grateful to Aunt Janie for putting this together so at least I feel like I can express my feelings and some how I think you can hear my heart . I love you GRANNY !!!!
Mom,
A lot has happened since your passing. We had Christmas at my house. What a nice time we all had. It was not the same without you, but we muttle through,your spirit was all around us.
Recently we had a bridal shower for Jennie. I remember us talking about what a beautiful bride Jennie would make. I wish you were her to see it. for what a beautiful bride she is going to be. Her shower was great, Jennie looked so beautiful and she was glowing with happiness. She will have a happy marriage for you taught her Mom how to have a successful one.
Rhonda is having a baby and her and Jav are so happy about the new addition to their family. We are going on Saturday to her baby shower. You know there will be a lot of laughs. You would say how crazy we are when we all get together. It will be nice to see Linda and for all us to get together to share in some happier times.
Shannon and Amanda are doing well in school. both of them made the honor roll in their last semester. I am working again......I can hear you say "Janie you are working too many hours" and that I need to slow down. You would be right, but for now busy is what I need to be. Not having you around has been just to hard for me to bare at times. I sit often and wonder if I was a good daughter and if you truly knew how much I loved you. I know all of this will pass for in my heart I know the answer to the questions are YES. I have regrets wishing I did some things a little differently. I hope you knew and will always know in ALL I DID I DID FOR YOU IN LOVE....Love and Miss You
Mom,
I keep waiting for the pain to stop, but it hasn't yet and most likely will never. I just keep remembering, how strong you were and how much hardship you indured in your life time and feel that I wish I could be as strong. The nights are lonely becasue I don't have my eight o'clock phone call from you, even if most times you were checking on Joe-Joe, I knew you were asking ABOUT BOTH OF US. I wish I had that one more day with you and try to remember when the last time I said I love you was, I think it was within the last days of your life and I wish that was enough for me to hold and repeat over and over again in my head. That week was one of the most painful weeks of my life, that I will never forget. I know that you needed to rest and that God needs you and he will someday show me some peace from it all, maybe. I find that I tell more of your stories now more than ever and will never forget one of the last things you said when Janie, Linda and I pushed your wheel chair in your newly painted and wall papered bedroom and we asked if you liked the room and you said "Yeah Boy" with an expression on your face that I will never forget. I went to the dedication of your new church and everywhere I looked I could see you enjoying the preacher from TN and singing with the music, don't know how much of the music you would have liked, kind of loud for you, but keeps ya moving and clapping and just being happy to be there. I know I will see you again Mom and will miss you ALWAYS.
My memories of my Mom are ones that a daughter would share with her mother.
THERE WERE TIMES where our laughter was so great that we cried.
THERE WERE TIMES where we were at odds with each other but always knew it was just that moment it time.
THERE WERE TIMES where our LOVE was so deep that no words were spoken.
THERE WERE TIMES where we just sat and ENJOYED the moment with each other.
THERE WERE TIMES where our tears were shared by extreme sorrow.
THERE WERE TIMES where we saw fear but knew we had comfort.
THERE WERE TIMES where we just took a ride for no apparent reason, just to enjoy our time together.
THERE WERE TIMES where we walked with each other just to enjoy the scenery.
THERE WERE TIMES where we shared God's teachings and her telling me to live my life right.
THERE WERE TIMES where she told me to clean the house.
THERE WERE TIMES where she told me not to come home late.
THERE WERE TIMES where she comforted me when I was sad.
THERE WERE TIMES where she wiped my tears.
TIMES I will never have again. How do you say good bye to such an amazing person? You can't, you just learn how to go on and realize this whole in your heart will never be filled.
I grew up knowing my grandmother as most children do. Fortunately, life and god have blessed me with a unique memory. I am able to recant vividly some of my childhood memories, as some would be jealous. And yes I know I haven't hit some of my older years where that gift my be stripped away from me in old age. Although as a young man beginning in my teens I rebelled and strayed away from the family and my grandmother, I always knew when I saw maw-maw that there was never any love loss, and she knew each and everyone of us have our lessons to learn on what’s most important in life. And she would always tell me your mom and dad love you joe joe. And at times she would offer advice based on her lessons. But as I strayed away those lessons became far less frequent. I often joked to myself that my mother, father and brother and sister would without fail go to see maw-maw every Sunday as if she was the church that peter built on the rock herself.
But as I'm sure all would agree that knew her, it would not have been a bad thing to place your faith with our maw-maw, and some did before they gave their faith to the church. I say that to say this, my mother taught by example how to love and cherish your mother, or your parents for that matter. By the way in which she showed us how much she cherished her parents. It took me awhile to learn that myself, but with the many blessings and forgiveness of my own parents I learned this invaluable lesson.
See when I was growing up, there was only one maw-maw around, and everyone knew whom you were talking about. Madeline Foster, plain and simple that was our maw-maw. I thank god that my daughter Nazjah, was blessed to have known her great grandmother and had the opportunity to share in such a beautiful childhood memory of calling her grandmother and great grandmother maw-maw.
Since her passing I have made an attempt to reconnect myself with my family and share on some of the important family moments we should continue to share after her passing and in her blessing.
But I cannot help but realize as I looked around this joyous Christmas I spent with my wonderful family, how many Maw-Maws were walking around the room, and how many children, cousins, second cousins, nieces and nephews were running around calling for each individuals maw-maw. All this would not be, without the one and original Maw-Maw, the one that I knew, and the one we all so deeply loved and cared for.
Let us all move forward not with sadness, but with relief and happiness that she is rejoicing in the spirit of our heavenly father and the only other love of her life that wouldn't mind coming in a tight second next to the lord himself, our Paw-Paw. I want a train ride too! (for those of you who experienced the surreal that day)
I love you all
Little Joe
